Easeful,
I am new to this also. I hear so much in what you are saying that I heard from myself a few years back.I went through a very similar high School period with my son as you. It couldn't be all that bad he was in school and sports, doing well. (most of the time). and when he wasn't I could control it, by limiting his life , right? My son says I should have been a detective. I could always find him and know what trouble he was getting into. And I did a damn good job! ( hmmm?) Then he went off to college. And I wasn't around to snoop, question, restrict, etc. So my son could fall into the life he was bound and determined to find. He would need "extra" $ and always had an excuse. I could always rationalize it as well, " it is a pretty small amount of $ to get by with". Part of me said " He must do drinking or using" another part said, " he can't be" . And the loudest part of me yelled, " how can I control this?" I gave it a good shot. there were times he wasn't using and I thought he was. There were times he was clean and i thought he was using.
Carroll O'connor is right, if drugs are away from a person they can't take them. But thats not reality. We can't keep our young adult children in a box. And for some of our children this is the only way they aren't going to go searching for them. My point is you can spend a lot of time and energy, thinking you can control him and direct, his down a better path. "If he would just listen to me and see the future as well as I can he would stop this!"
But the truth is your son is the only one who can control himself. " I know this sucks! I found by threating and pleading, withholding $ and then turning around and giving in,and anything else I could do to control or fix his mistakes, i only made it easier on him and I to deny or see a problem.
please keep coming to this forum and go to an al-anon or nar-anon for parents meeting. It has helped me tremendously. Not a lot has changed for my son, but my "Crazies and Anxieties", are getting less and less. and I am learning so much how to REALLY help and care for my son as well as myself. I have a ways to go but the little bit of peace I am beginning to find is worth it to me to keep searching for more! Good luck. you are in my prayers.