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Old 10-01-2007, 04:05 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
HKAngel24
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
Originally Posted by BrokenBridges24 View Post
I think you are thinking too much. Questioning yourself too much. You are a bright and beautiful person Heather. I told you that the other day. You are way too hard on yourself. You have gone through so much with you ABF. You have been emotionally bruised. It takes time to trust feelings again. To believe in yourself again. To trust him. I mean it all goes with this whole mess we are all in. You just have to stop mistrusting you and who you are. Love yourself and like who you are. If you feel uneasy, mistrusting remember it is ok just try to not let it wound you inside. Does that make sense? I mean you can beat yourself up until you are blue in the face but the greatest thing is and you missed it...you caught yourself slipping back into that dark world of codependency and you are trying as hard as you can to get back to where you were. THat is great!! Go easy on yourself. Look for the positive...
THANK YOU!! I want to print this out and post it next to my computer. Reading this really made me take it in- really validated everything I've been through.
It's so hard for my family or friends to understand. Here and in my Al-Anon groups are people who truly understand the deapths of that pain and how the disease infects us. I don't mean to try to dramatize my pain because I KNOW there are many, many individuals who have endured greater hardships than I and I don't want to be whiny.
I went through hell with this whole thing and the mistrust is inevitable, right? I am NOT in recovery or being true to myself if I am suppressing this because all it ends up doing is erupting and bubbling up as resentment and there is no love in this, only harm and shamefully sometimes vengence.

So, this leads me to see that I need to take care of me in that situation and touch upon those feelings. Seems when I bring them up, he gets irritated since we've had this talk before, so I dishonor those feelings because I can't handle the confrontation and the damage it may do to my self-esteem. Sad, but true. And because so much of that anger hasn't been explored or sorted through at all- I don't know how to communicate it directly, but not saying it in the defensive way I seem to act, think and feel.

Thank you for saying those kind words. I am trying to accept my inner child who has so much to say keeps begging me to stop disowning her and neglecting her messages that I am not taking care of myself with other people.

I know I AM making things too complicated.
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