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Old 09-30-2007, 03:51 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
embraced2000
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
heather.....it takes time and practice. the bad days were very intense for me, and i always made a gratitude list in my head after the bad days passed....for instance....i would say....i am grateful that i have a new day to practice my new skills. i may not execute them perfectly, but i know that i want to try very hard. i am grateful that i did not reach out and make contact. i am grateful that god gave me this new day tolearn some more aabout myself.

the good news is, that before you know it, the bad days come fewer and further between, and pretty soon, there are more good days than the bad days.....i mean, hells fire, it was pretty awful with him, wasn't it?

i felt trapped......i was miserable with him, and more miserable without him. but i knew for certain that i could not continue in the relationship, or i would just become invisible. i was isolated from family and friends, i felt like a wounded animal that needed to find a dark cave and just lay down and sleep for a long time.

pretty soon, i started little things to break that mindset.....with the help of my friends and al-anon. i swear, i had friends that came over, drug me out of bed, gave me lists of things to do for the day. they took turns kinda babysitting me. i thought i was just going to die without him in my life.....and i know i would have become absolutely nothing if i had him in my life. my friends would have simple lists....take a bath, walk three times around the property before you start to work, put a load of clothes in the washer, water the plants outdoors.

i didn't want to do any of it. but i did, because i trusted and loved my friends. and they told me if i didn't cooperate, they were going to take me to the round house.

it just takes time. the hurt will heal. and while it is healing, you will learn the most amazing things about yourself. at least i did, because of al-anon.

well, i've rambled long enough.

big hugs to you, sweety.....and just hang in there. you have made your decision to not be involved in a relationship that you were not honored, respected or had real love shared with you. they are not capable while they are still active in their addiction. when you look at him, remember that you are looking at the addiction that is trying to survive at all costs. everything my xh did was driven by intense desire to let his addiction live. i was not match for his mistress....the sensual, devoted, determined, alluring, and powerful mistress of addiction, there was no way to fight her and win. she had my man.

i'll stop now....really...lol

jeri
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