heather....there were days when nothing i tried to do worked to bring me up out of the slippery slope. on those days, i had a plan. my golden rule was not to reach out to him in any way. period. out of the question. not in my schedule. swore on my kids lives that no matter, i would not reach out. then i would just let myself feel all that i was feeling, roll up in bed and just waller in my misery.
for me, that was progress, simply because i didn't reach out to him and start it all over again. so i would wallow around like a wounded animal and be just as miserable as i could possibly be. usually, that meant isolating myself, getting lots of pillows, a down comforter and piling up on the couch, with the tv on, and kinda go into a semi-snooze state. i did it till i didn't want to do it anymore.
and i felt elated after my "spell" was over because.......I DID NOT REACH OUT TO HIM. that was real progress for me in the beginning.
after doing that for awhile, things just progressed to doing some of the things i listed in my earlier post. it's all a process for me. little baby steps.
my serenity didn't happen overnight....it came very hard earned, for i was one that just kept sticking my hand back into the fire.
it has taken me four years to find my serenity, peace, and joy. i reckon i'm a slow learner, but in the end, it was all worth it.
big ole lovin hugs to you
jeri