Sadness, you can work on you and get better in spite of your relationship with your father. Go to the local library and check out what's in the self-help section. Start by reading "Co-dependent no more" by Melody Beatty. Alot of us who love addicts find ourselves co-dependent because we thought if we did everything for the addict
(putting them first and not worrying about ourself and our happiness) that we could change them. Being the child of the addict has alot more issues to deal with, and there should be other good books that can help you work through this when you are ready.