...and the gift in seeing him may very well be a healthy dose of reality. I think fondly of my son when I am not with him but when I see him he reminds me why I am doing what I am doing...that is just me, now, don't go getting your knickers in a knot...
It makes me sad that you have found it neccessary to give up hope....it's true that hope can lead to disapointment and if it is more than you can bear you just do whatever you have to do. It still makes me sad..