Hello MG!
This is one of the tough one's isn't it? On the one hand we're told "nothing you do or say will affect the addict's behavior" and on the other "Tough love! Tough love! Knock the wheels out from under them and make them walk. No mercy. No quarter."
I understand that letting Dino live here would be enabling. He doesn't. I understand that giving him money or paying his way would be, too. I do help with med. expenses. But if having a conversation with him about ordinary things from time to time, and letting him know I still care about his welfare is enabling, then I guess we're both doomed. I think that one's a judgment call. And the judgment has to be about how it affects YOU. Would aloneness and isolation wake him up, or cause him to despair and sink farther? Who knows? If talking to him drives you crazy, by all means refrain. If it doesn't, and you're like me ....that becomes a punishment for YOU... well then. If your actions are dictated by how it will affect him, then you're trying to manage his recovery instead of taking care of yourself. This has to be the toughest thing in the world for a parent. It is natural to want to put your offspring first. But you count, too. What do YOU want?
Love,
Smoke