spedteach

Right now, I'm just not sure where my marriage is headed...so if this comes out as a bunch of gobblygook...sorry! A week ago, I talked to ah about our issues...or rather, my feeling unappreciated. Then, he says he's saving his money and leaving. Then, he has a complete turn around over the weekend and is Mr. Wonderful...wants more time alone with me, we need to focus on us more.blah blah blah....
Then Monday he becomes Dr. Jekell again. He barely speaks to me, acts like he's all pissed off about the littlest things, has a power struggle with our 4 year old over dinner (my attitude, if he doesn't eat what I make, he doesn't eat period...his attitude, he can sit at the table until he eats his dinner or go to bed..), has a little temper tantrum because our son must have peed behind the toilet and it dried and I hadn't cleaned it yet (Hadn't even stepped foot in the bathroom since I got home from work, was unaware of the smell...) so he washes the bathroom floor (first time in probably 4 years...should we all bow to him?? Hee hee), goes to sleep by 7pm each night on the couch...won't talk to me or son..(nice thing to do to a 4 year old isn't it??) Teed off because he needs new tires on his truck, a tie rod is going bad, he claims the heating core is going bad in truck will cost us probably $1000 to fix everything (the tires alone are expensive as they are bigger then normal tires!) and we don't have that money now (but gee, if he'd work 10 hours a week overtime for 4 weeks, we could do that no problem....plus, his work wants him to work overtime!)...EVERYTHING is bugging him....if I BREATH the wrong way, I'm sure it annoys him! I've just been leaving him alone and doing my own thing...

Last night, he is on the phone with one of our best friends. Once they hang up, about 15 mins. later, the phone rings again, I answer it and it's the same guy he was talking to. This time, he wants to talk to me...he's very concerned..he approached me in a very loving way, was in no way, shape or form trying to be anything other then a friend. He said he is very concerned about myself and my son. He feels that my husband is in essence, mentally abusing us by not talking to us, threatening to leave every time the wind blows the wrong way.. He said that he thinks I deserve more from my ah then I am receiving, it tears him and his wife (who is my best friend) apart to see how my son is starving for male attention (ah has a knack for ignoring him when he's in his depression/using mode) and that everything gets put on me...he said my ah was whinning about how miserable his life is and that he wants me to know that I am a good person and that my ah problems are HIS problems, I've done nothing wrong and that he doesn't want to see me unhappy because I'm afraid to be alone, of failure whatever. He also said that he and his wife are always there for me (he is my husband's cousin as well...so I'm sure this wasn't easy for them)....and that I am family to him. I think he was just trying to let me know that things aren't my fault, my husband has problems that he'll still have whether or not we are married...he said I've been the best thing that has ever happened to my ah and that he's a fool for not seeing it and he HOPES he realizes it before it's too late...and that my ah needs to be forced to make a choice..grow up or get out. Man is that true, he's 32 but trying to live his life like he's 18 with no responsibilities! (that's me speaking there!)

After we got off the phone, I thought about it and he's right (of course I've known this all along..), my marriage has been based on HIM calling the shots and me doing whatever to keep the peace...I do NOT want to get divorced, however, I am willing to do what it takes, even get divorced, to be treated well. I had a talk with my ah, er...tried to, of course, he kept quiet and said "here we go again" and then made some comment about "I'm not a human"...twisting it into not being responsible for his actions and his lack of contribution to our marriage lately. I told him that I'm tired of his moods and taking out on us and ignoring his own son..and I feel that he needs to go back on his medication because when he's on it, he's like a different person (which, by the way, at least 10 people have made comments to me stating he seems different in the last month...which he does!) and I left it at that...I'm not trying to control him, I just am at the end of my rope...I will not live like this for any longer...the sad thing is, we both know that finanically, he's dependent on me much more then me on him (I make about 2 xs more then he does...but I've also got a lot more education in then he does and have worked at the same job for 7 almost 8 years)...he's using the money as an excuse to be selfish. I mean, if he really wants to go, then go...don't sit there and say that he needs to "save the money"...because he doesn't know what the word "save" means....
I'm just in a state of confusion right now, not sure what step to take next, what to say to him...should I bring it up again? Should I leave it as I said last night? I really do not want to get a divorce, but I am so tired of him treating me this way...one can only take it for so long...sorry this got so long, didn't mean to, just trying to sort some things out..anyone have a similar experience? How do you get them to leave? It has to be him leaving as I have the dogs and our son to look after and I have no where to take all of them.....
Any suggestions as to how to get through this?? Our son is supposed to spend the night at his grandparents on Sat. which is fine and supposed to be a time for "us" to spend together...I wonder what will become of that, for me, if he drinks..I guess that's one more sign that his priority isn't our marriage huh???

Okay folks, bare with me here...things could get rough...but I'll bounce back...just might be more of a whinnier then normal...
Thanks!
Sped teach