I'm not really sure where I fit in either. I think I use to be love addicted now I'm love avoidant. I think I want my marriage out of duty rather than love because I really don't think I'm in love with him anymore. Isn't it a good sign when you cringe at the touch of him? Yesterday I told my "a" that I'm not in love with him anymore. I told him that if he ever needed me that I would be there for him but what we had is over, that he killed the love I had for him. Maybe if he had decided a year ago that I was want he wanted then it may have turned out differently. I just feel that I've changed and grown and he has stayed the same.
He called back several hours later very depressed. He was saying things like; I'm more depressed now not drinking then I was when I was drinking, I love you and want you why don't you want me, I'm so sorry for everything why can't we try again, I think I might need to check myself into rehab, i hate my life, I have nothing to live for now, and you obviously sound happy so why would you want me anyway, I have nothing to offer you. After listening to that I feel so guilty and so sorry for him and that's what pulls me back in. After I make a decision I have a hard time sticking to it because I feel like i should be with him not because of love but out of duty. How can I break this habit?
Why do i feel so guilty? He says that I don't try hard enough that if I wanted it and tried that I could love him again and we could live happily ever after. Is he now living in the fantasy? His parents don't like me anymore and think this is all my fault so I feel guilty and bad for that too.
How can I break free of all of this?
Please help me! I'm going crazy and a million things are zooming thru my brain at warp speed.
Galnva
[This message has been edited by helluvagalnva (edited April 22, 2002).]