No apologies, Moms.... none.
Write out all you need to.
Something, a trick that was shared with me by another Alanon....
write out ALL the bad stuff... every bit. All the details. All the hurt he has done and that is yet to come. All your fears for his life. All the broken dreams. All the lies and all the tears.
Then burn it... and as you watch that smoke waft upward.... know that you have just handed that pain over to a Power greater than yourself.
((((Prayers for you)))))
Things will get better.... sooner than you can imagine.