How do you know?
Okay so we’re back from our 2 week vacation and surprisingly most of it went off without a hitch. Both weddings were beautiful. So now we’re back to reality. Supposedly the BF has been clean since the Friday before we left (8/24). At one point during our vacation he also admitted to being disgusted with himself for using again. (we had a HUGE blowout a few weeks ago and he hadn’t done anyting since and then he did that Friday which set me off all over again). He seems to have come back a changed man at least when it comes to his feeling and emotions. Maybe seeing his baby brother get married and have his sh*t together changed something for him. He has been great towards me. Then why do I feel this way? Why am I still panicked? Why do I worry so much? My BF is a DJ/Music producer and for awhile I know he was using while he was making music. He’d stay up late and I would go to sleep and I knew finally did come to bed that he had been partying?
So I guess my question is when does the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach go away? Does it ever? Do I ever stop being a lunatic? How do you know when you can breathe again? I’m getting really tired of holding my breath.