PhoenixRizing60

I am new to this site as of today. And i decided to start sharing what my reality is with all of you. I have been dealing with my fathers divorce from 2 yrs ago to my mom. After 38 yrs of marriage she left him for his best friend. They all three went to church together,worked together,and were good friends. After she left my father fell into a very deep depression and stopped caring about himself. He wouldnt clean his condo,shower,barely ate, and sat in total darkness for several months...Then he started dating again when he wasnt really ready to out of complete desperation.

He didnt know how to cope with living alone and being alone after being married for 38 yrs to his HS sweetheart. So he jumped into a very unhealthy relationship with an alcoholic,racist,chain smoking,verbally abusive woman and married her 8 months later. My father never had a problem with alcohol until he met this woman. He is still trying to cope with the loss of my mother and their marriage. And the way he is choosing to do this is with drowning his sorrows in one bottle after another.

He has become a full fledged alcoholic and is now smoking cigarettes right along with her. He never in his entire life acted like this or had these addictions shall I say. They both drive drunk often and their world revolves around alcohol. I dont get along with them because of their addictions and I do not have their issues. I have told them both in the past that they both are alcoholics and need to get help. All I get back from them is that they are not alcoholics and to never say that to them ever again.

Well Im sorry but when your breakfast, lunch, and dinner consists of a liquid meal there surely is a problem. To give you an example as to how bad it has gotten...This past Christmas at my house my father called and was drunk. He was so drunk that he got into a fight with his new wife and then left the house. He drove his car totally drunk and was gone for a half hour. I then talk to him when he gets home and I say to him "Dad you cant drive while your drunk"...why did you do that?

And he said that he can do whatever he wants to do and that he would have been gone longer if he had only remembered his cell phone and wallet...I live on the East Coast and my father on the West Coast so I cant be there for him on a daily basis. I know I cant control the people or the situation they are in. And I also know that they have to be willing to recognize they have a problem and get help. Right now they are in denial and heading down a very dangerous and scary road.

I will not allow them to take me along for the ride. I had decided to cut off all contact with my father as of February 2007. I cant deal with the insanity any more. The pain is just too great for me. I recently found out from my uncle that my father is moving to a certain state in the south soon. I called my brother and he and I got into a BIG fight yesterday evening. He was told by my father to not say anything to me about them moving. He thought I had hung up on him when both of my phones had died at the same time.

I then called him back and left a message saying to him that my phones didnt die and that it wasnt nice that he told me to screw off on the answering machine.I didnt know that he had called while the phones were charging and thats when he left that horrible message on my answering machine.I have not heard from my brother since yesterday evening.I think this is some control tactic or revenge thing my father is trying to exact on me because of me not talking to him.

The strange thing is that he was not talking to my brother for a very long time and then "poof" all of a sudden he is his newest and best son ever. I think my father is looking for people to enable him and take his side with the drinking issue. My brother is using marijuana constantly and has a BIG addiction problem. So this is why I think he is siding with my brother in all of this. I just feel all alone. I do know that I am not. I am very lucky to have my wonderful husband of 14 yrs for support and love in this difficult time.

I also have an awesome son as well whom I love dearly and must protect from the rest of my family. I am glad that we live far away from them and dont have to worry about seeing and dealing with them all the time. I was just wondering if my life sounds familiar to any of you out there? This is all new to me in dealing with alcoholics and substance abusers.

My heart goes out to all of you that are struggling with whatever reality is yours. I know my reality isnt pretty right now. Im just really looking forward to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel some day and hopefully soon. Any advice,support,and or prayers are very much welcomed and appreciated at this time...Thank you ALL in advance...PhoenixRizing60...