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Old 08-30-2007, 04:26 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
CE Girl
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
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You know JillyBean, my XA used to tell me all the time, in the rare moments of the lucididy of short live sobriety, that he "reflected" his own self loathing and shame on to me, because I was so "good". He was envious. Makes ya wonder about the sanity of shooting yourself in the foot hey?!?!? But agree, walls tend to come down better if you tear them "brick by brick". You mean there's no "instant cure". Again, the ironicness (is that a word?, it is now, consider it in the cegirlism dictionary) of the similarities of the diseases. Alcoholism and co dependant

Which is why, I have decided its time to read the BB?!?!?~gulp~ If you told this codie, I would EVER read that book, I woulda told ya you were NUTS!!! he,he,he,,,,

In the past I would trust 100% right off the bat, yeah, dumb, I know.
Same with me ICU. And I beleive its part of my core. I'm upfront and honest, you never have to guess what I'm thinking or what my motives are. I'll TELL ya!! LOL. Was it "suppressed" for a while? Darn tooting!! But that's because of the damage done in my disease. Ok, notice I DID NOT blame my A?!?!??! Ultimatly, I am responsible for my own destiny. The spirits have shown me that through the example of life and death on this earth, we enter and leave,,,,,alone. No one to blame or answer our excuses. We are left with only reason.

I tired the 0% trust thing. Only one problem,,that "core" thing. It doesn't feel "right". I can not be ME!!


Appleblaster(THANK YOU love for posting, and welcome back), your words took my breath away. Thank you from ALL of us, as I think you voiced a "common thread". Bunch of misfits ain't we?!?!?!? LOL. EXCEPT,,,personally I think we are EXCEPTIONAL mortals. Capable of GIVING so much, unconditional love, and genuine CARING for other mortals on this planet. WE have cores that shine. Trouble is, they are fragile, and all it takes is the darkness of anothers core to snuff that shine out.

I for one, REFUSE to allow anyone to take away my being,,,

But I'm still left with the dilemna,, I'm honestly struggling with this. How do I find the "balance", protecting my core, yet being true to it?


And its IMPORTANT guys,,,someone I am growing to care very much about, will notice if I don't "trust" and come from the core,,,

Peace
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