Just crawled out of my pit recently
Oh Wendy! Please call your dr ASAP.
My hubby's DOC is cocaine. I was you just 2 short months ago. Always angry, couldn't focus on my lovely 3.5 yr old ds (and 9mth old daughter) because I was mad at daddy. I was anxious all the time, definitely not me.
Hubby and I have been together 10 years, the first 8 were wonderful. He fell into a depression after the death of his grandfather (whom my hubby looked to as a father) and started using (hanging out with undesirables at the time that lived in our neighbourhood.....bad timing, bad scene). I didn't find out until I was 3 months pregnant with our daughter and I've been dealing with stuff ever since.
Long story short, I was always the one in our relationship to keep things together. Once I fell into PPD, I could no longer be the strong one. Hubby couldn't emotionally support me, I couldn't emotionally support him and all went to hell in a handbasket.
Two months ago I decided to take things into my own hands and I saw the dr about medication. I am on a low dose, but it enables me to keep the racing thoughts at bay. This makes me less stressed, a better mommy, and able to emotionally support my hubby once again.
Everything is falling back into place again. Hubby has been clean for 3 weeks and has an appt tomorrow with our dr to get meds for his own depression. Our relationship is feeling a little more normal and our children are thriving once again.
It's a long road, but in my case the meds were what I needed to get me over the hump. Now that I feel like myself again, I can let go of my anger and leave hubby's recovery in his own hands. I'm strong again and feel that I can do this by myself if need be. I don't want that, but realizing that I will survive and be well helps the scared and trapped feeling go away. I told hubby "I'm here because I want to be, not because I have to be. Don't make me walk away." I put the ball back in his court and a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
Please take care of yourself and the rest will follow. God bless.
Rebecca