((((Wendy)))
It sounds like you are struggling emotionally, with what is transpiring. And if you're like me, the anger stems from fear (as
PR mentioned) and the slow realization that the end result may well be what we feared most: No recovery for the addict.
I had to get to the point of realizing that all of our efforts are geared toward being healthy REGARDLESS of the outcome. And that was SO hard for me in dealing with my child. I'm not sure if I really got there given he began to improve, just when I had thought it not possible.
So, did I really give it up, or was my peace in good part due to his behaving? I may never know.
But what I DO know is that I have tools that I never had before, ones that I can use if it comes to it, and ones that I use everyday to work on me. You, my dear, are in an extremly difficult situation in that its there everyday, right in front of you. I imagine you can hardly breathe at times. You might want to start on a plan to change that.
As far as the meds, a good friend of mine went through a terrible time when her hubby left her right smack in the middle of dealing with very critical health problems. Her Dr. gave her a small script for depression/anxiety (I can't remember which one) with the comment that if she didn't have better coping skills afterward, she would need to seek therapy and further meds. She took them for 10 days, and as she began to think clearer, things started to fall better into place for her.
I wish you well Wendy, I know its hard for you right now.
(((Hugs)))
Cece