Thank you for your post...it is awesome and I am so glad for you and your family that you have found a good recovery program and it is positively changing your life.
The addict that brought me to Naranon was my child, so I can say with certainty that the types of arguments you both experienced occur without addiction and there is no "right" just two different people with two different views. I'm grateful that my own recovery work is helping me to see that. I appreciated your perspective about going to bed...Like others here said, I always had the feeling one should never go to bed angry, so without understanding the why behind the action, I too would feel like it was lack of caring.
How wonderful that you both have the ability to talk things through and move on from there...I hope your wife has an opportunity to focus on her own healing as well and move forward with you without harboring resentments from the past. Prayers for you and yours.