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Old 08-28-2007, 04:08 PM
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goldenleaves
In my forest.
 
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 31
So down and sad.

I am at my wits end (miserable but trudging on – just) so just had to post….

I have been back and forwards to my A 3 or 4 times. He always left me to ‘party’ and would come back weeks or months later when life wasn’t so good and it hadn’t turned out the way he wanted. We have been married 5 years, together 9, but living separately for more than a year.

4 months ago he walked out again. He then proceeded to try and sleep around as much as he could. He had a complete meltdown with everything and finally got some help for his gambling (not his drinking though) as it was that or bankruptcy. Through that (he had the kids at the pub with him drinking and gambling all day and that’s what caused the ‘bottom’ for the gambling) he turned to me every day until the gambling counsellor could see him.

He was sending (as he’s done all along) text messages daily with how much he loved me, saying good morning ‘wife’, how much he missed ‘us’ etc. He put all our photos back on the fridge, stuck on the wall, on the mantelpiece, told me he kissed them before going to bed every night, blah, blah, blah.

Then he met and slept with a 22 year old (who looks 18, he is 42) one weekend. Within a day and a half a blown up picture of a closeup of their two faces cheek to cheek was on the mantelpiece smack bang in the middle of all our pictures. He told me all about what he’d done in bed with her (always wanted to tell me about all his conquests and their age as he has a thing about younger girls – his aim was always to get an 18 year old) – yuck. I was around dropping off something when I saw it.

I asked him what he was going to tell his children about the picture and he said he’d say she was a friend and they’d had a few drinks, got the camera out and had some fun, and that it was no problem and he had nothing to hide.

He also said he truly loved me, but I’d made it clear I wouldn’t sleep with him (he’d tried to physically get me into bed quite a few times since leaving the third time and couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t), and she was just a distraction. Said he’d never love her but she was ‘fun’ and she was nice to be with and if he could get some regular sex that would be great. She is a uni student in a city a few hours down the road, so he can only see her now and then – perfect – sex when he wants, do what he wants other times. All this was 6 weeks ago.

I told him I wanted nothing more to do with him and threatened other action. Did not hear from him for 6 weeks. On the weekend there was a musical performance with a lot of our friends in it (we are in local theatre), and if they weren’t in it they were in the audience. An audience of 900 or so people, and the entire theatre community in our town.

He turned up with his 3 children (12, 14, 16 and I miss them) and the 22 year old. I felt so humiliated. My friend said she’s his daughter’s friend surely, she’s a teenager!!! I said ‘No, apparently she’s 22’.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I hate that he did this in front of all our friends and with his children. He looked good – haircut, hair dyed. He’s going to gambling counselling so is doing better there. Still drinking though of course. He had debts to pay off big time, but will inherit about 750,000 from his parents when they go so is not worried. He has the 22 year old trophy, he has his children etc etc. I have no money (he cleaned us out with gambling) and I was the one who went into the relationship with quite a bit – he had none. I have no children (gave up having them to be with him), can’t afford a house, am lonely and miserable. I have been doing everything I can to be positive but I just feel like it’s all so not worth it. I hate him. The abuse I let myself endure for years has led me here, and still he comes out on top (or so it appears). What a waste of nearly 10 years of my life. It makes my skin crawl to think I ever let him touch me and put up with his weird sexual things and abuse over the years.

Just so sad.
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