Astro

Hey, I'm hearing my story again, but in my case I was the instigator!

I didn't believe I was an alcoholic, but I thought I was functioning highly by being so ingenious and cunning. I kept Certs or gum in my truck all the time to freshen up on the way home after drinking at work, and then I made a beeline for the toothpaste when I got home. If the ex wanted to go out jogging after dinner I'd happily watch the kids and hit the liquor cabinet while she was gone. Upon her return I'd take the dogs for a walk, that gave me a chance to chew tobacco which I'd lied to her about quitting for years. Trips to the store with the kids were just excuses for me to buy more beer or vodka, I thought I was getting brownie points for babysitting and doing the shopping.

It's classic alcoholic behavior. I fed my ego by thinking I was getting away with lying and hiding things, and by being a good father and supportive husband. But my ex was like you, after years of my behavior I wasn't really hiding anything from her, she was getting sick of the lies, and the mental and verbal abuse.

You could try to talk to him, but my experience was that it only made me defensive and I dug myself in deeper with more lies. I didn't like the shame I felt from being caught, so I'd drink that away too.

It was a waste of her time to try to reason with me, so in the end she did something much more productive and focused on herself and our children.