Mmmmm strong words TrishaV, but quite correct. I was present physically but unavailable to my children for a good number of years, and sincerely appreciate that my wife (as wives of addicts often do) had to look after and protect them, as well as herself.
Thank all of you for your comments.
I have been reminded again by you that my wife was left with a lot on her plate, when I was using. And she may well need time to develop trust. I am mindful I am one call away from using again - and perhaps she needs me to keep stacking up that clean time in order to come to terms with that.
She is very loving and supportive - quietly - of my recovery. She does not say well done this or that. She sometimes asks how a meeting was - but holds the view, which I agree with, that I do not need to be praised for being sober and clean. This is a responsibility as a functioning citizen, father and husband.
I also agree that she needs to get her head around me taking my rightful place in the family. With all the trust implications. And I need to accept I cannot quickly undo what was. It remains an ever present reminder of where I have been - and without working my programme - could return to.
And yeah, I am learning I will rather be happy than right
Thanks once again to all of you.