You are really growing and I admire your realization recovery is so much more than staying clean. My double winner AA/ Alanon sponsor referred me often to the AA Big Book's wisdom. I recall reading the bottle ( drug) is only a symbol, suggesting there is much more to putting down the bottle or drug.
Codependence is a symbol as well. Healing and recovery take time, effort, patience and a new self awareness. Trust issues are major for codies. Try to understand rebuilding trust takes loads of patience and effort. One's actions and consistent effort, not one's words are key.
It's natural for husband and wife to have growing pains in recovery. Patience is called for. Anger, heated arguments can trigger both A and codie to relapse.
Yes, codies relapse too LOL. Differing parenting styles are common in most marriages.
Neither parent is right or wrong. Couple counseling can help you both.
I wish you and family well as you rebuild your lives together. Congrats on 18 months
clean. Your miracle is a life saver one day at a time. Good for you.