I've read everything you guys have said and am thankful for the thought people have put in.
I feel one thousand times better than I did when I was posting that. I always get really depressed and pitiful on the weekends sitting at home doing what I do. Today I got up and went to work and doing something productive all day makes a huge difference.
Thanks for relating to me. And thanks for the poem!
@Jersey Nonny
It is true. I posted here because I am really and truly unsure if my problem is true or manufactured or what. I have a really unsure sense of identity so that I never really know what is going on with me. I don't know if I am trying to fit into the role of someone addicted in order to have a reason why I don't like my life much, or if that is part of the source of my unhappiness. I don't know if I am addicted or simply unhappy. I don't even know how I feel sometimes. That's part of the reason I tried to erase the thread. I felt it really deeply, and then thought it was over emotional crap.
I first joined this site shortly after my birthday during which I drank compulsively and to extreme excess, and a friend suggested I had a drinking problem. I was in a crappy mental state then. My issue is trying to figure whether I am blaming preexisting dysfunction on alcohol etc.
I don't have much urge to use drugs or drink today.