Originally Posted by
CrushedbyCrack 
OK, with that said...if I ever get to the point of knowing that I can and will enforce this boundary, how do I relay to him what the consequence is for crossing it? Do I sit down and have a conversation with him during a sober moment...hey, honey, if you cross this boundary, I'm going to expect you to leave, and if you don't, I'll file a motion that says you can't come back home?? I mean, wouldn't that really **** him off and cause a big fight...is there just no way around that?
That's not always easy especially if you already know it will guarantee a big fight and you certainly don't want that. I know from experience that a crack addict can become very violent and no one wants to chance that.
Unfortunately, the only way to relay what your intentions are if he crosses the boundary you've set is to tell him.........otherwise he'll have no clue.
I remember having this conversation with my exabf AFTER he had been home a couple of days. He was coming down from a major binge and feeling pretty crappy about himself. So he was sober for the moment.........sober and sorry so it was easy to talk to him at that point because he'd do whatever I asked to get back in my good graces.
I gently explained "this is what I expect and this is what will happen if you cross the line". I also told him I know I couldn't stop him from using and I accepted that, but he was NEVER to bring his drugs into this house and he was NEVER to use them in this house PERIOD. I told him if he was gonna use, have at it, but not around here and not around me.
It made it easier for him to understand that I wasn't trying to control him and his using. I was however making it clear that I didn't deserve to be taken down with him.
I don't believe that was giving him permission to use either. It was just letting him know he can't do it here.