Don't beat yourself up too bad HBB,,about thinking you were "good" for him,,,
They make sure we FEEL that,,
Its a BAFFALING< CUNNING disease this alcoholism.
And being good little codies, it FEEDS our addiction to being needed. My XA used to tell me all the time, how much I "taught" him and how he was having "epiphany's" regarding his core and who he was, and all the people around them told him how LUCKY he was to have me, as I was obviously GOOD for him,,QUACK<QUACK<QUACK,,,
It just fed my romancing. My need to "save". And yes, kept me "stuck" in the whirlpool or the codie/alkie dance.
For me, ACCEPTING I was where I needed to be in my disease, helped TONS!! That and the good people here on SR. I would "listen" to their advice, but not "process" it until I was good and darn ready!!! LOL. Like hitting yourself in the head with a hammer, "get it now?, how bout now?, HEY STUPID, did you get it now?!?!?, DUH,,,ya, I get it!!! he,he,he
Your still whacking yourself on the head,,,
But your not at the begining, the blows hit harder with the progress we make sweetie. Might I remind you of how pitiful you were when you first came to SR,,?
No offense, but we ALL were. Urghhhhhh,,when I go back and read some of my threads/posts from the begining, I can't BELIEVE that was me,,I've come so far, yet, still get that whack upside the head every once in a while,,,
do me a favor k? Go back and read some. The "good" with the "bad". The ones when you first left, and the anticipation of your vacation and how "free" you felt.
Hang in there girl,,,and STAY STRONG,,your doing fine,,,,
Peace