Originally Posted by sunkensky

I am not in recovery, and I don't think I want to be/am ready to be/need to be yet. Alcohol and pills are basically the only thing in my life that make me feel good, and there isn't much sight of that changing. I guess I am just at a loss for what to do. I feel like all of my relationships are false and meaningless, and that I am false and meaningless too. I don't know what I am, I can't even decide from one minute to the next if I have a problem or am just fitting into the role someone has set up for me, labeling me such. I just feel alone and lonely and ashamed for being so emotionally needy, but even worse that nobody really cares, and that's probably my fault for being so distant.