Setting boundaries for me became easier after a leader at a family support group told me: "Hope and pray he gets better, make decisions as though he never will." That lifted tons of weight off my shoulders because if reframed my thinking. Before I had a hard time setting the consequence because "What if...". When I started thinking about how the boundaries are more about what I was willing to allow into my life and the life of our children rather than what "he" was allowed to do, what the consequence should be came easier. It is not about what I will 'do' to punish him, but what I will do to protect myself from the person, the situation, the action, or whatever else my boundarie was about. As I've gotten better at setting them, the comment above made much more sense to me. My hope and prayer he gets better used to be in desparation because I was drowning until he did. Now I still hope and pray he gets better but that is 'for him'.....I'm going to be okay regardless of what he does.
When my focus was on him needing to get better for me to be okay, the agruments between us (his quacking) were so difficult for me. I felt that if he didn't hear my side, if he didn't agree with me...."I" had no chance at serinity. Now I realize that he doesn't have to agree with me. What decisions I make of what I allow and not allow ARE MY DECISIONS. If you think of it that way, there really isn't anything to argue about. Now when he quacks, it is easier to let it bounce right off me (most of the time anyway).