Boundaries are a great way to explore.... what *I* want.
How DO I want to live?
What is it that makes ME happy?
What do I want today to look like?
What about tomorrow? Five years from now?
Do I want/have children? How do I want THEIR lives to be?
What causes me joy? How can I get more of that?
By setting boundaries that help me answer those questions... the addict is often not even in the equation.
I've known spouses who've lived with active addiction because of their commitment to the marriage... in most cases, an emotional separation became necessary, even if a physical one was not something they were ready for. With the ones that I know... and eventual physical separation also happened. ... when the sober spouse was ready for it.
Keep posting and reading, CbyC. And thank goodness you found some meetings... your reaction to him the other night was a result of that, I think. Good job!
(((hugs)))