well, my A.....is on a road trip......No calls....nothing....He's missing.
My mind went to that obsesive place......where I start pacing the floor....phoneing his cell phone.....imagining him doing all sorts of things....But.......I stopped myself.
Im still feeling a little concerned, and the old insecure feelings come up over me, and I feel so lost......
then at the same time I think Hey....relax....if he was home he'd be drinking here......so injoy my time.
I had the day to myself today, thought about going to an alanon meeting. But didn't go..... it would be my first one. I was feeling blue and sluggish today.......dragged my butt around all day.
but today was the first real opportunity I have had to go.
My two youngest children were home from school with the chickenpox....all last week.
So I really haven't had any time to myself to go, until today that is and I blew it off.
anyway there is tommorow.....right......
I've been trying to push away this.....depression cloud I feel looming over me...
have to keep stepping, keep moving..forward.
focus on me....taking care of me......
get my routine .....up and going again....I just seem to have NO ENERGY....OR DISIRE TO DO ANYTHING......
I'm trying to decide whether I sould return to work....or .....look for something else.....I can't seem to make up my mind...
whats worring me the most is DAYcare......arranging it......
I'd like to apply for a part time position....but it's all shift work...and I really CAnt work eve.....
I need a dayshift , My old job does offer that advantage....9-5 full-time......
I get stuck in the I CAN'T
I CAN'T , I CAN'T , I CAN'T
Thats my mental block.....
regards
