i can hear your pain. and i have felt it also. maybe it's a good time to go back to beginning, that's what i have to do...
#1 We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable.
#2 Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
#3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.