((Book)) It's not wrong. You aren't ready to forgive. And that is perfectly OK. You do for you what you feel comfortable doing, when you feel comfortable with it. Betrayel from a spouse in it's self is a very hard thing to overcome, even without the addiction issue.
All my friends, all my ex husbands family, everyone around me knew about his cheating. No one ever said a word. So when I was face to face with them after it all hit the fan, I had a whole lot of emotions. For some reason I felt ashamed. Then the more I thought about it, I got so angry at those people who knew. Not one of them was my friend, not one cared for me at all. I felt total disgust with just being in their presence. They were no better than he was in my eyes.
I joined a forum called the healing heart. It helped me deal with the cheating part. It was a lifesaver, and helped me understand that aspect of everything that I was feeling. For about a year after the total split, I lived on this forum and the other one. Even without the drugs, cheaters are like addicts, they have certain things that they all say and do.
My heart goes out to you. Love and Prayers
B