Hi Gang,
I have not been around much for a while. It has been just a year since they took my XAH away for the last time.....a year that has been both heartbreaking and exhilarating. I lost my only brother and my mother in this year as well as finally throwing in the towel on my 34-year long marriage.
At the year mark, I had a huge need to look back and look forward and evaluate where the heck I was.
I am at a point in my life where the coming years will be very different from the last. Was I ready? Had I learned enough lessons to avoid making all the same mistakes over again? Was I prepared to move forward into this whole new phase of my life and find the joys that had eluded me previously? I felt like I was standing at the threshold of my future, stripped of the baggage of my history and with endless possibilities before me. I didn't want to blow it...........again!
Have any of you ever heard of a vision quest? Originally it was a ritual of passage for young native American boys on the brink of manhood. They were prepared by their spiritual leader and then sent out into the forest to fast and commune with the great spirit in the hope of a vision for new direction in life. I decided that was what I needed to do, too.
The quest really seemed to clarify what I had together and what I still needed to work on, and in what order. Some things, like being able to be alone, were fine. Some things, like trusting a man, need serious study. Some things, like solo camping, I would do again in a heartbeat. Some things, like fasting for 4 days, I will never repeat.
I found that I actually had grown more than I thought I had. I also found that a huge part of my growth was directly related to this thread and the things I had learned here. I will be forever grateful to you all.
I love you guys.
Babs