sooooooooooo.....just to show you all how up and freaking down this thing can get. this morning i am laughing at myself and feeling all empowered that i recognized my relapse and took my power back. And then........this afternoon, i call my RABF just to say hi and asked him what he was doing. he mentioned he was on the way to his boss' house to look at a road they wanted more rock/gravel on. i was like, "oh, ok, where are you going after that?" and he kind of chuckled...and i said "what's so funny? who are you laughing at? is someone with you?" and he said, "Damn....what in the world is wrong with you? I am laughing at you....because you have asked me 10 questions since we started talking 2 minutes ago." And i said, "I was just calling to say hi...sorry i asked too many questions...i didn't mean to offend you!!" Then i hung up. THEN, 10 minutes later i called back to ask him how he could hang up the phone with me like that and not even try to call back?? He said, "Darlin', i was about to call you back...i was giving you some time to cool off...i am not sure what is up with you today??" So my question is......WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME??? Why am i doing things that i KNOW are wrong??? I KNOW I am pushing him away!!! I know i relapsed this weekend and i thought i was over it.....but i feel so freaking insecure and emotional and then i think,,,,,,,maybe it is my intuition trying to tell me something is up. Yet, he has given me no reason to think this?? I DON'T LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHED DOME MORE LIGHT...PLEASE!!!!!!!