Hey Lost, I'm thinking about you! I've been where you are and it's a sad place. Please remember that you do have choices and options and there is is is happiness out there!!
Have you thought about making a list of what you want!? I couldn't even answer that question for a long time. I'm still working on it...it's a list in progress! But I realized, it's okay to be selfish....you deserve it!!
Hugs and prayers!!