Mara

You came here looking for answers but you already know them. What you are really looking for is courage. It takes courage to do what you have to do. I am not going to advice you to go to the police. But you need to find an organization that deals with these situations and you need to affiliate yourself with them in order to learn how to deal with your situation on a day to day basis. You also have to deal with your sub conscience attitude toward your son. You have conflicting attitudes. On the one hand you detest the fact the he is a drug dealer and on the other hand you admire his ability to make it in the drug world. Your first reaction to this statement is going to be outrage. But I suggest that you analyze your post carefully. While there is the spoken rage. There is also the begrudging praise. You need an attitude adjustment. While you will alway love your son, you have to find a way of conveying your total disappointment. You have to make him understand that you love him, the son unconditionally. But you will never love his drug dealing actions. You will never allow him to spend that money while he is living in your home. You will have to set up household rules and punishments for breaking those rules. You also have to wake up to some realities. One of the realities is that our children are the best actors and we as parents are the most naive. You want to believe that he does not use marijuana or any other drugs. You are so sure of his truthfulness. You will be surprise. He is really cool in in his own eyes and he has you believing how cool he is. Wake up! He is not so cool. The saddest part of dealing with your son is that all your dreams and your perceptions of him have to go out the window. You will have to judge on the basis of what he really is and is doing. Don't fool yourself. We love our children and we want to pretend that it is Christmas and there is a Santa Clause. But the truth has to be faced in order to help him and yourself. Read your post again. Pretend someone else wrote it. Then read it so as to help that person. And then follow your own advice. You know what you need to do. You are a strong and intelligent woman. You will cry a river and then you will cry some more. The sad fact is that you might not save your son. But stack the odds on your side. The only way to do that is to intelligently design a game plan. A word of caution: Your son is dangerous don't fool yourself. Proceed with caution. Please get some outside help.

Mara