LOL - codi - you just had a relaspe of your own that is all.... now this is what I want you to do.... Go find my frying pan, look at it and repeat to yourself - me crazy and smack yourself on the head 3 times and then crack up laughing at the absurdity of the situation.....(and no I do not mean to have you actually hit yourself with a frying pan for those that might think I am serious
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Yes - you let the stinkin thinking monsters in - okay - something we shouldn't do but it is done, you can't take any of it back and beating yourself up will not change anything....
What is wrong with you? You are a codependant.... hi my name is codependent1 and I am wreck today.... keep saying it till you are laughing......
You said: Sadly, I KNEW I was wrong when i was doing it; but couldn't find the strength to stop myself. Here I found my frying pan - B%@$@^#T.
The strength is there - you just didn't want to use it.....part of recovery is being honest with yourself. (And when you are not some of us beign honest for you
the question is why you didn't use the strength? It is there - I know it - I see it in the posts...... What did you personally get from having a melt down that made you feel better? What parts of you are still insecure that need that constant reinforcement from him and why can't that reinforcement come rom you instead? Those are the answers you should be looking for.
You are spending too much time over analyzing everything about him and not focusing on you......overanalyzing is crazy's best friend.
One last thing to repeat for a Sunday..... This is about me, not about him...... repeat again.....This is about me, not about him......This is about me, not about him......This is about me, not about him......
You know what I used to do to break me of the crazy habit of asking too much - I had a sock with me and stuck in my mouth when I heard myself going down the crazy path.... Very hard to ask questions when you have a sock in your mouth. Now when it happens - my husband say - you are doing in again and hands me a frying pan..... We both burst into laughter.....
You are not a basket case - your brain just wants you to think that you are.....