thank you everyone for all of your kind words and wonderful advice. now i have an update. he called when he was about 30 minutes from home and was all happy and jovial sounding.....so i decided to go ahead and be honest with him about how i was feeling. I basically said i feel uneasy about not being able to get you all evening yesterday...and quite frankly, let my mind wander. He said that they enjoyed their downtime together and part of the deal was to get away from the phones all weekend. He reinforced that he did leave a message and that should have been enough. BUT I HAD TO GO INTO TOTAL CODIE RELAPSE AND CONTINUE TO QUESTION!!!!!! Sadly, I KNEW I was wrong when i was doing it; but couldn't find the strength to stop myself. I was asking ridiculous questions like, "Did you pour your heart out to Bill this weekend about how crazy you think i am but you don't want to leave me because you feel guilty since i saw you through rehab, etc?" He finally became very aggravated and said, "See, this is exactly why i can't talk to you....because you say the craziest things....it is so damned aggravating."
We hung up at that and he was home shortlly thereafter. We hugged and talked a while, and i got insanely insecure again....not knowing....wondering if i am being made a fool of....thinking things like what if they went out and he met someone else?? Guys...I need your help!! I am feeling like all of my progres and recovery has gone to hell in one weekend. What in the world is wrong with me?? I am pushing him away and he is basically saying to me, "honey, i understand why you are insecure and i will never leave you for it, but you have to let it go....you worry yourself sick about things you have no control over." This is my r-addict saying this to me. Tell me my disease is not worse than his!!! I feel like a basket case.