Originally Posted by JessicaNAJ

How can a father leave his kids?

I was doing good, moving forward...then I started seeing very very positive actions and reactions from G. He was turning himself around. But he still couldn't admit that he cannot drink. Nevertheless, I opened the door to the chance that maybe...just maybe.

The night before he fled, he told me....I never should have started drinking. I drink here and there and as long as its beer I can stay focused, but the here and there leads to drinking on weekends, and then the next weekend and that leads to whiskey. That's when I loose focus. That's what leads to drugs.



G violated his probation. He had 2 years on the shelf. He was an emotional wreck....and drinking heavy b/c he was feeling lower and lower. He was crying .... and my heart truly went out to him. He was doing so much better and staying focused. He was staying with his sister and she was driving him back and forth to work b/c he didn't have a vehicle when he got out of jail in January. The chains were cut when he got his truck two months ago, and he began to make some bad choices. Which led to him voilating his probation...2 years on the shelf. And it scared the hell out of him to have to go back to jail and be away from his kids for that long. Then he fled....more bad choices. I think he went to Florida.

Of course the first thing I tried to do was control the situation, look for him before he got on the bus and talk some sense into him. When I realized it was too late........I cried everyday for almost 2 weeks. Now, I have a hundred emotions going through me. I prayed to God to take my pain away, the kids don't deserve this. They need me to be strong and focused.

I CANNOT control G's situation........but I can control mine. So, I got my rear out of bed and stopped feeling sorry for myself. When I start feeling down, I get up and get busy. Just gotta stay busy.

A part of me is sympathetic to how he's feeling. We all know that alcoholics have a very low self esteem in the first place. I know he feels like a failure. He was doing good and made a mistake that took him right back where he needs to be. But then a part of me is saying "DUMB@SS knew what was at risk!" Now he just leaves me with all the responsibility while he goes off and has a good ole time???

I just don't understand..........WHY DON'T HE CALL?? Truth be told, it hurts! I feel lost and very empty. I am irritable and fighting depression. I have to get my attention off of him and back on me and the kids. Next week we'll be on vacation....I pray that will help.

My dad left us (just disappeared and we didn't see him for a long long time) when him and my mom got divorced. I know how much that affected me. What will this do to my kids? Actually, they seem to be handling this better than me........go figure.

I'll be ok. Just needed to vent. Take care of me, one day at a time.