thanks for all of your concerns.
I agree that part of it is money..but not in the way that you all think. I am fine with selling my house and getting a smaller place to live...I am fine with doing without material things--its that im afraid i still wont be able to pay the bills--i get so scared about this, almost paralized. I am afraid that I cant do it on my own. And you are right about me being in denial--I am. I am afraid of what lies ahead of me, and Im scared to make the move because of it. But also, because of my personality, I hate confrontations, and Im scared of what he may do to me emotionally. I am not strong enough yet to take that from him.
I am going to look into a dv support group, and i also wanted to look into a group for women contemplating divorce.
Also, I wanted you all to know that my dad left my mom with nothing. He didnt pay aything to her. We had to sell the house and move into a small apt. My mom had to provide for me and my sister, and she hadnt worked for 17 years. Back then, times were a little easier though. Everything is so expensive now. So I havent always lived in comfort---and like i said before, i have a nice house, but its average. Im not living the high lifestyle you might think I am. Its not that I dont want to give up these things for a better, saner life....its that I dont have the confidence to think I can do it on my own. So, I need to work on getting stronger. I also am very, very depressed...I am on anti-depressants, though maybe my dosage should be increased.
Thank you all for your continued support...I really appreciate it.