Amelia honey, you will feel in control of your life again, no matter what it may throw at you. You will be the one responding to it, weighing your options and making a decision. Like Slash said, just get through whatever period you can get through now, and when that period expires, get through the next period. Find ways of getting through those periods, even if it means napping, reading the boards, getting up every two minutes to do some nonsensical chore in the kitchen, etc. Whatever gets you through whatever period you can stand to think of. Don't think any further ahead than the period you can stand to think of.