addicted here too, i've read through most of these post and i thought at first to not post on this one, cause i know that regardless of what a non addicted person might think, i know that i didn't purposely set out to be addicted.
i was an honor student, very active in school activities, brought up in the church, with a very strick and protective single parent, who didnt drink or allowed drinking, drugging or smkoking cigs in our home, yet out of 6 kids, only my brother and i found away to become addicted.
i do believe that it was a choice i made to first use. i mean like most teens, i experimented like the rest of my friends but i didn't like feeling high so i would just try it and never pick up again, until i tried crack. i thought that i could do the same thing with that drug but not so. i was addicted the first time and didn't know how to say no and not give in to that urge.
yes i thought i was fighting to stay clean, i mean in my mind, i was doing all i knew to do, after a while, it was like my body and my decision maker was taken over by that drug. i needed help in order to make the decision to recieve help, then i needed help to act on the help that i became willing to recieve, then i need help on staying willing
on the other hand, my brother, who was alcoholic, died an alcoholic, after being warned that he only had so long to live unless he stopped, couldn't find his way to do that. i watched my brother suffer serious physical pain while his organs literally deteriated, while his brain told him that he couldn't say no to his doc.
don't know if this makes sense to anyone but i don't believe that my brother chose to die, he choose to drink while young and couldn't find that nick that it took for him to find that fight that he needed to be able to say no.
i think that as much as a non addict tries, they can never fully understand what its like to be addicted, unless they become addicted themselves. sorry, just thought i'd throw in my 2 cents. hope it makes a little sense