I understand what you are trying to do with the post. You need a plan. Even robbers have a plan and an escape car. You need your own escape car---how do I get out of this and where will I go when I do and what will I do? Having a plan is the only security you feel you can have in your situation. I completely understand.
1.I have no family in TN except a sister that followed me here but she is very very focused on herself and provides almost no help or support. I have no real friends. It is hard. I find support emotionally in 3 places: SR, alanon and my therapist. But I also find it in the mirror sometimes, within and by looking at my kids faces. Occassionally even a good protagonist in a book is someone I can lean on...I know what she would do. Lately, I have even been getting back into touch with angry girl bands I liked when my hair was green and I was young! ANYTHING that makes you feel strong is a form of support.
2.Money is a very hard one. I am at my RAH and his mother's mercy. The day they stop helping me, the day I have almost zero dollars. I have a plan for that...I will get an office job and quit college. If in the middle of semester, I will get a student loan and live off of it. There are programs for single moms going to colllege. I am also looking into that. If it came down to it, I would pluck feathers off of chickens or ANYTHING if I had to. Rely on your will to survive. There is no easy financial answer. But I would sign up for any services you qualify for. I will when I qualify. Those services are in place to help people when they need it. Do not feel bad for using them. Hold up your head.
3. There is NOTHING you can do about his addiction. NOTHING. NOTHING. If anything, the fact that he is actively using makes it impossible for him to get custody. If I had it to over again, I would have called the police and reported him for possession the minute he drove off. Let them pull him over and search his car. Let him get arrested. You could file for custody and KNOW he won't get them. As it is now, mine is in recovery and it makes it scarier. The active addiction isn't a variable in what you do really because you can't change it.
4. I was also scared of change and being completely alone...he was my only friend. But you will be fine. Faith.
5. Alanon and therapist. You should consider anti-depressants if you are that depressed. I eventually did. Getting out of bed became important to do!
I don't know if any of this helps you. Again, I have kicked mine out when he was actively using and now he is about 90 days clean...but he has not really changed except he isn't high. I still struggle. I have let him stay here on weekends sometimes. Those are mistakes but I am trying. The best advice I have ever gotten has come from these boards. Listen to the wise ones who have their **** together. Trust yourself. Don't be afraid. You have survived living with an addict. Surviving without one has to be easier.
You are in my thoughts...truly.