I read your posts Heather and you are obviously an intelligent, well spoken woman with capable communication skills.
That being said, I think you are making all of this WAY more complicated than it needs to be.
You have one thing you are very good at:
Focusing on something. It is a codie Thang. We can FOCUS like Border Collies on Sheep!
Now, take one or two things you know about yourself that are positive (I just showed you 3 in my first sentence) and when a negative thought comes along, replace it with a positive statement about yourself. If you have to say it out loud, do so. (People will think you are a little cracked, but hey.. who cares what they think?! LOL). If you have to say it 10,000 times today, do it.
Make this easy for you. Take that mind of yours and use it for something else (like how to have a better career, an advanced college course, learning a new skill like sewing a dress or making cookies or building a desk.. something completely different than what you are doing.
Do something outside your usual world that challenges you mentally.. that is REALLY REALLY HARD. You are certainly smart enough. Keep it simple and focused with the Codie thing and use the complex stuff you need to learn to reach for your own star and make it shine.