Booklover-
I am SO SO sorry what you are going through. All of this involvement robs us of the life we deserve. We feel so far away from happiness.
Please do not beat yourself up for where you are at- learn to trust your process.
I think there are certain people who need sensitivity and gentleness in a time like this and not the whole, "Are you blind? You keep doing the same thing" speech. I, personally, do not benefit from that.
I have found that there is an inverse relationship between what we feel is our FREE WILL (our ability to make choices and to trust the decisions we make) and putting up with the addict. We both know the MORE we put up with, the weaker and more powerless we feel. But also, I do not think things are so cut and dry sometimes.
I know that you love this man and have clearly done many, many things to prove you would stand by him- you do deserve to be happy.
Try to find out what - if even a small thing- can make YOU feel powerful and more in control of your life.