What gets me angriest, are MY expectations.
I have expectations that my mom (70) will not flirt with every good looking man within sight distance (she is in a committed relationship). I have expectations that she will organize her life and stop hoarding "things". I have expectations that she will learn that she has to pay for services like lawn mowing, house repair and car repair.
And when she flirts, buys 87 more junky things at the WEEKLY garage sale, and cons the neighbor boy into fixing her car for free... I cringe.
I used to get angry. REALLY angry. I somehow projected her imperfections onto ME! Dang. Talk about self-centered...eh?
Today. I know she is who she is. A vibrant, fun-loving, attention seeking, beautiful woman.... with some faults.
It is ok to tell her you can make time for her - one day in a month. She has a strong AA group? She should be able to reach out to them, as well.
If one day is too much - how about 2 hours twice in the month? Then treat yourself to something nice afterward... give yourself a reward.
Mary Pearl (well-known Alanon speaker) says she prayed to "See my mama the way God sees her." God allowed her to see, one day, that her mama was "short". It occured to Mary Pearl that she had always come to her mama as a child seeking approval. Once she saw her as another wounded child... she was able to see her with the same love and understanding that a loving God might.
I found listening to that very useful in my recovery... I hope this helps you, as well.
(((hugs)))