Dear Book, Once upon a time very many yrs ago I had these feelings about my ex husband.
I really don't know how old you are, or how long you have been married so its a little hard to respond adequately.
I just know that once I felt like this about my ex but by the time it ended I was praying for him to find someone else so I wouldn't have to worry about him or have him begging me to come back.
IMHO your self esteem has been so delpeted by being with him that you have forgotten who you are without him. Can you just stop & think about why it would bother you if he had someone else? After my ex took off for Florida ( he jumped bail ) I was ready to pack up & follow him once he got settled. He was calling me all the time & telling how much he loved me etc when I found out he had taken up with a topless dancer. I had very low self-esteem & imagined that she had to be so beautiful & have such a great body in order for him to be with her. While he was gone I started full time college. The first semester I had a 4.0. You can imagine what this did for my almost non-existent self estem. Then after I found out he was cheating I let my siuster fix me up with another guy. This guy was 6 yrs younger & he fell in love with me. When I saw my ex again, about a yr later & saw this " topless dancer " I was floored. She was not near as attractive as I was & was chubby to boot. Book it has nothing to do with your AH or this woman IMHO..............this is all about your self image. If your self-esteem was healthy you would end it if you found out he was cheating. Since your husband is an addict he would be doing you a favor if he found somone new cuz this way he wouldn't be begging you to come back.