Congrats on your first meeting. I promiss it will help you get your mind right. For drinking is just a simptom. Do as many as you can, and the time with those children will become so much more fullfilling. I remember taking care of mine while drinking. I missed so much love, and held back so much too. All I wanted was my beer. It took one of them getting hurt, and me having to drive them to the hospital drunk to relize what a terrible thing I was doing. Enjoy your children. If like me it did not take long after I sober up you will see so much love in them for you that had been missed while drinking.