I would only do for the grandchild, if there is anything he needs. Sound like the DIL is doing alot right, but doing a little manipulation on her own. Her choice what she does, but the grandchild shouldn't be caught in the middle. I buy clothes for my granddaughter as my son has full custody and no help, plus he has no idea how to dress a little girl. I am her grandmother and do what I want for her! That's the joy of GRANDMOTHER!
Glad you son is trying so hard, be proud of him.
susan