One of the other people who was at the last rehab lives aboutg 30 miles away. Kasey was supposed to see her therapist today at 830am and then they were going to a meeting together.
He called last night to see what time and where....I didn't tell him. I couldn't find the words. I think at first it is embarressment and anger, but a part of me doesn't want to hurt him or have him know she failed, again. He asked me to have her call when she "came in". I just said "OK, I will. How are you doing". Great guy, parents, and he is doing so well. ENrolled in a sober college for the fall. This is the kid who at the first family group said he didn't know why he was there. The therapist said "could 7 DWI's have anything to do w/ it?" He just laughed. He finally admitted he was an alcoholic. He and Kasy had an "agreement" to help each other when they got out. I guess his agreement and my contract can both be used for toilet paper!
I'm still angry today, but slept well finally. I read Psalms 22 last nite, and the book of Job. As someone said, she turned her back on God, he is still there. She turned her back on her family and herself. again.
I try and put it out of my mind, but I envision her doing the drugs, being beaten, having nothing--looking like she did May 22 when I picked her up to go to detox. She was desparate for help and got it, then went right back.
I didn't think my heart could be broken anymore, but it did. I only hope she is miserable! Why couldn't she just call and say "i messed up". She knew she would have to go to a recovery home, but it is easier to drug out and think of nothing. She couldn't beleive all that had happened the last few months she was gone--she was like Rip Van Winkle. If she wakes up again, my parents may be dead as they are not in good health. She will eventually look like a druggie, God has saved her from that so far.
I know she is in God's hands w/ her own decisions. He has protected her thus far, but evidently she dosent listen.
Please continue to pray for me, and her, and our family. My son doesn't know yet and I can see the look and hear his words already! I'm not going to tell my parents and sister, they will know soon enough!
Happy Saturday to all!! Thank goodness the week is over and I can fall apart at home w/ noone watching, or stay in my gown, or sit by the pool. I don't have to be responsbile for anthing right now!!!!
susan