you know it is very painful to divorce, it hurts like hell to feel alone after having a partner all those years. it sucks to see your family being torn apart by crack, or shall I just say addiction. I wanted to be sure that I did everything I could to try and save our marrige. I still hurt, its tough. I think that when I started to value me and my life things began to change. I began to stand up for myself and the things I believed in. It is a process but I knew that I didn't feel good and I had to be the one to change my life and make it better. I feel like I made a sacrifice. I still have not found anyone that can "MOVE" me like he did. However the pain I felt on a daily basis became so much to bear that leaving the marrige was less painful. He was really bad at this point...it was awful. I guess my point is that the key to feeling better is inside you. Once you start to take care of yourself and value yourself then I think the rest falls into place. Once you are healthy, then he will have to make a choice if he wants to be with you. I finally started taking the addict part out of the equation all together. I just wanted to be treated with respect....the way he was treated...PERIOD.
I used to feel the way you do when I had to come here and admit that I took him back. I think we are embarassed but we need this place so what can we do.? You are the only one that has to live with your choices. I used to get defensive when some people would tell me what I didn't want to hear. I would talk myself into being strong and then once the anger wore off and the fear started to creep in I would let him wear me down. It is all part of the process.
Hang in there, try keeping the focus on you!!!