I have been thinking about you - you don't need to say sorry. Trust me I went back with my AH so many times, people thought I was nuts. You may just not be ready.
Yes, you are a strong person. I use to think I wasn't strong and people would tell me I was. But when I think back I was the one working, taking care of our bills and our child. I had to hold it together the best I could.
Just please protect yourself - to this day even though my RAH is clean I still worry, but I still have money set aside. I also know if there is ever any drugs or cheating, we are done. I will not put myself thru that again.
Please keep us posted on how things are going and never feel emabarresed about coming on this site. It has a great bunch of people.