Let me see if I've got the story straight so far. You say your husband:
- Is a drug addict
- Is an alcoholic
- Is destroying you and your children's lives
- Has a history of long-term incarceration
- Has a horribly negative attitude
- Lies to you
- Hides things from you
- Cheated on you--in a PARKING LOT--and failed to use protection
- Told you he doesn't intend to stop drinking and drugging
And you profess that you "love him to death," and ask "how could I not?" After reading all this I have just two questions for you:
- What would it take for you to NOT love someone?
- You've already proven to your husband that you'll accept ANY type of behavior from him, so what incentive is there for him to change?
You say you came to this site for help and support, and you're receiving it in spades. Sometimes, help comes in a form that you don't expect. But in order to get help, you need to be willing to receive it. You say you want our advice, but in order to receive advice you need to be willing to listen with an open mind.
You're quick to criticize the folks who have devoted some of their valuable time to helping you--when no one here has criticized you. It seems to me that there are two people in your relationship who haven't reached their bottoms yet and aren't ready to get help:
You and your husband.
If you're not ready to get and receive help, that's fine. But do come back when you are. You'll be welcomed then as you were today--with open arms. I hope you'll let go of your pride and stop back in. Remember the old addage, "pride goeth before a fall?" Don't let your pride get in the way of your recovery. You deserve a better life than you have. You're worth it.